Identifying that Special Someone

In the last post, I talked about how important it is, when preparing for marriage, to BE the right one rather than just to find the right person. Here, then, is a follow-up question: what should you be looking for in a potential spouse? How do you know that he or she really is “the one”?

Look for someone, and definitely wait for someone, who shares your faith in Jesus Christ (1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14). Marriage is hard enough even when you both desire to follow the Lord and obey his Word. Not being on the same page spiritually leads to all kinds of confusion and trouble with: time allocation, spending, values, leisure, parenting…

Look for someone helpful—who’s learned (or is learning) to serve and support and bless others. When you see him with his family, does he help out around the house? Does she expect to be waited upon?

Marry a hard worker. A man who doesn’t provide for his family is out of line (1 Tim 5:8). A godly woman works with eager hands (Prov 31:13).

Look for someone with good friends. Having healthy friendships means a person knows how to give and take, listen and share, offer and receive correction, and be a steady support—good “practice” for marriage.

Marry someone whose character you respect. Attraction is not enough.

Look for humility—someone eager to learn and willing to apologize (Phil 2:3). Watch out for the refrain, “That’s just the way I am.”

Look for someone who has positive relationships with his/her parents.

Marry someone who’s a careful, patient thinker. For example, someone who can see the grain of truth in a viewpoint they reject, or who avoids sweeping generalizations that toss the baby out with the bath water.

Look for a maturing Christian who’s committed to a church body and is actively serving, learning, caring, and spreading Christ’s love.

Don’t marry someone you hope will change later: they won’t change. And marriage will only accentuate what bothered you before the wedding.

Marry a stable person, steady under pressure. Is he all roller coaster, highs and lows? Do you never know what mood she’ll be in? Then slow down—the stability for marriage isn’t there yet.

And by all means, be patient about this decision: better to be single and wish you were married than married and wish you were single.

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BEING the Right Person

In the life-stage of transitioning into adulthood, the relationships we long for are found not so much by looking but by being.

Do you want good friendships? Then make it your aim, first and fore­most, not to search out good friends but BE a good friend. Do you want to meet Mr. or Miss Right? Then make it your aim, first and foremost, not to seek out that special someone but to BE that special someone.

Let me focus on marriage in particular. The mindset of being the man or woman God wants you to be today is a stance of faith. It means trusting the Lord to work on you, help you grow in spiritual depth and personal maturity, and lead you into greater holiness.

You say “holiness” isn’t on your marriage preparation checklist? That’s all the more reason you need to focus on being the right person more than finding your special someone. Ephesians 5:21-33 reveals a breath­taking design for Christian marriage in which husbands and wives die to themselves and live to love one another, and that requires spiritual depth and maturity. It’s a beautiful vision of married life, but that beauty never flowers and its joy is never known by immature, self-seeking spouses.

Being “the right one” is a goal that doesn’t impose a timetable on God. But the “gotta find someone” attitude is time-driven: it doesn’t consider that now may not be best and God may want you to wait. Maybe the Lord has a lot of refining to do in Mr./Miss Right’s life before it’s time for you two to meet—meeting today might be a disaster. Similarly, are you willing to look in the mirror and admit that that God has a lot of work to do?

Just to clarify, I’m not saying you should be utterly passive and never open your eyes to the people around you. My point is simply this: see today as God’s gift in which he aims to refine you and humble you and shape your soul in Christ-loving and Christ-like ways. Don’t assume you’re ready for marriage and it’s God’s job now to bring that special someone along. Assume, instead, that all delays are orchestrated by the Lord for good purposes (Gen 50:20; Rom 8:28), and that at the center of those purposes is sanctification—your growth in godliness. Your marriage will be SO much stronger and more joyful and satisfying if you trust God with time.

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Resurrection as Keystone

You simply can’t overstate the bedrock importance in Christianity of Jesus’ resur­rection from the dead. Put it this way: the resurrection is the keystone at the center of God’s grand arch spanning from history to eternity, bridging over the chasm of sin and death; without it, the whole structure of salvation comes tumbling down.

This, of course, means the resurrection—Christ’s historical, physical return from death to life—is not one of those peripheral points or secondary issues on which believers may feel free to differ. No, it’s pivotal and essential. I base this on Paul’s clear and relentless line of argumentation in 1 Corinthians 15:14-19. IF Jesus Christ was not raised from the dead...

• - Faith in Christ is useless and futile;
• - Preaching of Christ and spreading the Gospel are in vain;
• - Believers are false witnesses—we’re liars (i.e., about Jesus being raised and about our future beyond this life);
• - Believers are still in their sins—i.e., not forgiven, guilty of violating God’s justice and holiness, enemies of God;
• - Christians who’ve died are hopelessly lost forever;
• - We’re a pitiful lot—more pitiful than any other people on earth.

So the resurrection of Jesus is right at the heart of Christian belief—deny it or dismiss it or reduce it to some notion of “living on in our memory” and, very simply, it you’re no longer dealing with New Testament Christianity.

As you reflect on the importance of Christ’s resurrection, I hope it strikes you as glorious and breathtaking! Giving mental assent to Bible truths is crucial, but crucial as well is “getting it” deep down in your soul. The resurrection is no mere fact: it’s God’s magnificent stroke of victory in battle against sin, Satan and death (does your heart leap up and cheer?). And it’s the ray of hope for all who trust Jesus for true eternal life!

So stand in awe: Christ is risen—he is risen indeed!

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"Stricken, Smitten, and Afflicted"

Here is a weighty and wonderfully truth-filled hymn about the momentous events of Good Friday. It was written by Thomas Kelly in 1804 as he reflected on Isaiah 53:4: "Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted" (ESV). We will use this song in our Good Friday worship this evening:

Stricken, smitten, and afflicted,
See Him dying on the tree!
’Tis the Christ by man rejected;
Yes, my soul, ’tis He, ’tis He!
’Tis the long expected prophet,
David’s Son, yet David’s Lord;
Proofs I see sufficient of it:
’Tis a true and faithful Word.

Tell me, ye who hear Him groaning,
Was there ever grief like His?
Friends through fear His cause disowning,
Foes insulting his distress:
Many hands were raised to wound Him,
None would interpose to save;
But the deepest stroke that pierced Him
Was the stroke that Justice gave.

Ye who think of sin but lightly,
Nor suppose the evil great,
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.

Mark the Sacrifice appointed!
See Who bears the awful load!
’Tis the Word, the Lord’s Anointed,
Son of Man, and Son of God.

Here we have a firm foundation,
Here the refuge of the lost.
Christ the Rock of our salvation,
Christ the Name of which we boast.
Lamb of God for sinners wounded!
Sacrifice to cancel guilt!
None shall ever be confounded
Who on Him their hope have built.

[Listen to Fernando Ortega sing this song.]

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Prayer Is Hard

Prayer is difficult! Sound strange to say that? How hard is it just to talk to God—to tell him your concerns? You don’t have to yell or speak some fancy language or have lots of merit points to talk to God: just pray, talk (out loud, silently—or even “talk” with your posture, with your eyes, from the heart). Prayer is simple.

Okay, true enough. But acquiring and preserving the inclination to pray is hard. The longing and readiness to make time to be still before the Lord are easily destroyed. Why is this? There are several reasons.

First, Satan never opposes Christ-followers more than when we pray. After all, we’re no threat to his evil schemes on our own—that would be laughable, we’re like a fly to his bulldozer. But when we call out to the Almighty, Satan cringes. So if you mean to pray, be assured that Satan will come against you fully armed! Prayer is hard because prayer is war.

Second, prayer is hard because we’re proud. We want to be applauded as bright, successful achievers who can say, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” But prayer is that place where you fall flat on your face and see with painful clarity that your work is not what counts: “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). “What do you have that you did not receive?” (1 Cor 4:7).

Third, prayer is hard because we’re pragmatic. This outlook asks, “What works?”: we act, plan, organize; we live to check off the “to do” list. Pragmatists love visible, tangible, temporal effects—like numbers, dollars, bricks and mortar. But this fixation on human action and earthly results pushes soul-probing prayer down the list of priorities to a place where it shrivels up.

Fourth, distraction also ruins prayer—multi-tasking, busy-ness, frenzied lifestyles, the inability to quiet down and sit still. Our culture values maximum juggling of activities (email – work – text – shop – errands – study – clean – write – call…). Juggling is “in,” and yet how much can you really concentrate on each ball that’s in the air? But God says “Be still” (Ps 46:10). Jesus says, “Come and rest” (Mt 11:28-30). Are we willing to go against the current of a busy culture?

Fifth, we also find it hard to pray, of course, if we’re harboring sin in our hearts. Any time known sin is allowed to linger or (worse yet) is nurtured in our twisted hearts, we effectively put a lid on our own prayers. For example, God commands husbands to treat their wives with loving consideration “in order that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7): sin torpedoes prayer. Failing to fight sin is an attitude—whether we admit this or not—that says we don’t take God seriously and we don’t really care to speak with him in prayer.

So, watch out for these spiritual land mines—they’re deadly!

But having said that, take heart: God invites and commands us to pray (Matt 7:7; 1 Thess 4:17), and he’ll help us. Remember, greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4). Draw near to him, and he’ll draw near to you (Jas 4:8). The Lord is at work among his people “to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil 2:13). And he’s able to do far more than we ask or imagine for the sake of our spiritual progress and his greater glory (Eph 3:20-21)!

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How is your faith?

“How is your faith?” That’s THE pressing question on Paul’s mind as he waits to get word about his dear Christian friends in Thessalonica. Acts records his first visit there (17:1-10)—a short stay in which Paul taught from the Scriptures and summoned the people to entrust their lives to Jesus, the crucified and risen Messiah. Several people were persuaded (both Jews and Gentiles, 17:4) and embraced Christ in faith, and thus was born the church at Thessalonica.

But trouble struck this young body of believers quickly: within weeks of arriving, Paul was forced to leave town. He then proclaimed the Gospel in the next town (Berea), only to be tracked down there by his aggressive Thessalonian opponents. So he sailed 200-plus miles south to Athens, leaving the infant Thessalonian church behind. These were new believers and they were facing intense pressure from the Gospel’s enemies. Paul knew they could be in great spiritual danger.

Eventually he sent Timothy back to check up on them (1 Thess 3:2). Notice that when he did this, the aim was NOT to find out if the persecution has lightened up and the believers were safe and comfortable. No, the key concern was the status of their faith: were they still trusting and resting in the Lord Jesus Christ? Look at 3:1-10: Paul sent Timothy “to strengthen and encourage you in your faith” (3:2); “I sent Timothy to find out about your faith” (3:5); thankfully, Timothy “has brought good news about your faith and love” (3:6); “Therefore, brothers, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith” (3:7); “Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith” (3:10).

This is the issue that matters. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you have a great family or wonderful friends or athletic ability or skill to succeed as a doctor or politician or nuclear scientist. In the end, it doesn’t matter if you’re popular or beautiful or strong or smart, or if your church has big numbers and attractive programs: heart-reliance on Christ is what matters.

Are you trusting Jesus today for saving grace and the sure hope of eternal life? Are you relying on him for reconciliation with the Father and adoption into his forever family? What do you “need” to be content in this universe? Is it enough to know Jesus and rest in his sovereign care? Will you still depend on him and look to him for peace that passes understanding and true meaning in life even when enemies of the Gospel mock and exclude and threaten and assault you? Paul eventually got good news: the faith of the Thessalonians was alive and strong! “How is your faith?”

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DeYoung reviews McLaren's new book

I'm sure we'll hear more about Brian McLaren's recent book (A New Kind of Christianity) in due course, as reactions to his views and writings abound. The recent review of McLaren's book by Kevin DeYoung (click here) raises pointed and profound questions. It's worth reading carefully.

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God's Love and Human Suffering

In a recent sermon on God’s compassion (Jan. 31, on Luke 15:11-32), I noted that there was an elephant in the room: “How can we speak of a loving God in the aftermath of Haiti’s earthquake?” This question arises in many honest hearts—I’m guessing we’ve all struggled with it. It’s also a question that has lunged into popular atten­tion in surges in the past (e.g., after the 2004 Tsunami, in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, etc.).

Just to be clear, we’re not asking about suffering that results from sin, such as trafficking, terror, or murder. Natural disasters don’t stem from God-defying impulses in the human heart. (And yet, even with sin-based suffering, questions about God’s permission and intentions arise—but that’s another discussion.)

Can we reconcile the love of God with harrowing affliction due to earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, floods—and let’s add diseases like small pox and cancer? Please see my posts, Haiti Earthquake and In the Wake of Disaster, for some intro­ductory thoughts to provide a biblical framework even as we voice sincere questions.

In his article, “A Fault Is Not a Sin,” atheist Christopher Hitchens says it’s idiotic to blame anything other than geology for the Haitian quake. But of course, what else can he say from where he stands: if God is excluded from one’s vision of reality, all is material and temporal, and we live and move in a meaningless abyss. End of conversation.

On the other hand, if one means to consider seriously the interpretation of reality presented in the Bible, one has to reckon with a God who’s able to intervene within his created order and, for example, prevent natural disasters. God isn’t helpless; he’s no mere bystander looking on as nature takes a chaotic course. The Lord is active within creation and history.

In Christ God demonstrated his power over nature (e.g., calming storms, walking on water, multiplying food, raising the dead). The Bible teaches that God is powerful—all-powerful—and that his might is exercised within the sphere of this-world, this-life experience. He parted the sea (Exod 14), toppled the walls of Jericho (Josh 6), protected Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego (Dan 3), and so on. And of course, the grand miracle of all time was the resurrection of Jesus Christ. With God, all things are possible (Matt 19:26; Luke 1:37). “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” (Gen 18:14; cf. Jer 32:17). So we won’t solve our problem by denying the power of God: he is able to do anything and everything that he chooses to do: the Lord does whatever he pleases (Ps 115:3).

The Bible also insists that God is a God of love: He is love (1 John 4:8), and in all things he works for the good of his people (Rom 8:28). God loves “the world” and in Christ he reaches out with open arms of com­passion (John 3:16). In the cross God demonstrates breathtaking love for undeserving sinners (Rom 5:8): there is no greater love than Christ’s (John 15:13).

The keys to comprehending God’s love, however, are two: 1) He does not promise and is not obliged to show his love by giving humans pleasant or even tolerable earthly circumstances. In fact, the Lord has all eternity in which to enact and express his love toward his people. Suffering here and now is no sign of the absence of God’s love.

2) There’s more to God’s character than love—he is love, yes; but he’s also just and holy, and in his white hot moral purity he abhors sin. Both love and holiness are true: sin must be punished (holiness), yet God makes a way for Another to take our guilt upon his shoulders (love).

Let’s step back: a huge turn in the plot of God’s story takes place in Genesis 3: sin enters an otherwise perfect world. With sin came inter­personal strife, physical toil and bodily death (3:16-19), and all humanity was plunged into calamity along with Adam and Eve. And more: notice how the curse brought serious damage upon creation itself (thorns and thistles, 3:18). So in some sense, nature itself was twisted and damaged by sin. In Romans 8 Paul describes how creation itself now “groans,” awaiting the final reversal of sin’s destructive effects (8:22). Nature’s convulsions fall in this category: they signal the terrible destructive effect of sin in the realm of God’s creation.

Let me clarify: I’m not saying we can identify each instance of suffering due to natural disasters as a direct punishment deserved by the specific person(s) who undergo such suffering. John 9:1-3 proves otherwise: there’s no simple blame-line to link all suffering back to a person’s sins. So too in Luke 13:4-5: when the tower at Siloam fell (due to an earth­quake?) and killed eighteen people, was it because they were worse sinners than other people? Jesus says NO. And yet, he urges onlookers to repent: let the sudden snuffing out of others’ lives move you to turn from sin and trust in Christ and thus be ready to meet your Maker.

It’s also true that our loving God often weaves searing hardship into the fabric of our ultimate good (e.g., Heb 12:5-11; 2 Cor 1:3-11; Gen 50:20). Paul pleaded for relief from a “thorn in the flesh,” but in time he realized his healing wouldn’t be for the best (2 Cor 12:7-10). Still, living with an affliction isn’t the same as being struck dead. The suddenness in which death can strike is used by God to warn us not to be presumptuous about the future or assume all will be well (Jas 4:13-17; Luke 13:1-5). The door of opportunity to repent and be saved is not held open forever (2 Pet 3:8-9).

But what about the children, even babies, tragically killed in Haiti? How does God love them? If being allowed to live at least an average earthly lifespan is the measure of God’s love, then love fails. But isn’t God free to show his love in the age to come, beyond this fleeting, temporal existence? The Bible doesn’t say a great deal about the eternal state of those who die in infancy, but a solid bib­lical case is made that they enter into glory with Christ. See, for example, messages and studies on this topic by Charles Spurgeon, Al Mohler, Sam Storms, and Desiring God Ministries.

In the end, then, I urge you to look around at this troubled world, imitate the Savior's heart of compassion for the lost (Matt 9:36), look up to the Master of All Things and echo Genesis 18:25, "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?"

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In the Wake of Disaster

The world is reeling in the aftermath of Tuesday’s devastating earth­quake in Haiti. The Wall Street Journal is comparing it with the 2004 Christmas tsunami that had a six-digit death toll. These are sobering days.

Many people may be wondering how to make sense of such grievous misery. How would God have us look at this? How are we to understand a world in which such seemingly random, dread­fully severe suffering strikes as it does? Let me offer a few ideas:

1. “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps 46:10). Resist the impulse to accuse God of wrong, and instead cover your mouth. “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away” (Job 1:21). Does the pot have a right to find fault with the Potter (Rom 9:20)? The Lord does not answer to us: we answer to Him.

2. “The Lord reigns” (Pss 96:10; 99:1; 115:3), even now—as always.

3. God does not always disclose his purposes to us. Some questions remain unanswered in this life. The Lord has all eternity to put things right, and he does what he does in his own good time.

4. Seek answers in God’s Word. Don’t let the panic of the moment propel you away from the only Source of Truth that can provide a solid footing in this world’s swamp of sorrow. Read Job 1-2 and 38-41; Luke 13:1-9; John 9:1-5; Prov 1:7; Luke 8:25; Pss 104:32; 147:15-18; Amos 3:6; Isaiah 45:7. Among other things, the Word teaches that even when Satan is instrumental in human suffering, God is not caught off-guard or held hostage by the Enemy: afflic­tion is permitted purposefully, and one purpose is to humble hearts and drive us to our knees in repentance (Luke 13:3). Disasters are a wake up call to a world snoozing in the dreamland of earthly pleasures: life is short, insecure, and dangerous; seize the moment (while it lasts) and run to Christ for mercy and eternal life.

5. Weep with those who weep (Rom 12:15). Love your neighbors (Luke 10:25-37), including those in Haiti. As one step to take, consider donating to Food for the Hungry.

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Haiti Earthquake

I just re-read several articles John Piper has written on how to think about natural disasters and resulting human suffering. Very helpful. Very sobering. The Word of God has much to say to help us get our bearings amidst life's quaking.

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Read the Bible in Two Years

I just began again with a two-year Bible reading plan. I don't know about you, but I really benefit from the structure of a plan/schedule for regular Bible reading. Otherwise I end up wandering and fizzling out. Here's a two-year schedule I developed: click here.
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The Tiger Woods Drama

Of all the adjectives used to describe the Tiger Woods mess, maybe the most apt is simply “sad.” Sad all around—for Tiger and Elin and their children, for their families and friends and his fans. For everyone.

But notice what the media isn’t saying. They’re not claiming it really doesn’t matter if married men fool around. They’re not saying Tiger’s reputation has to do entirely with his golf skills while his “personal life” is no one else’s business. They’re not suggesting we’ll all still cheer at his fist-pumping victories and buy Nike and Buick (etc.) just the same.

In fact, today’s media is oozing with morality: we as a people know—deep down we know this—that those who cheat on their spouses commit a grave offense. It’s not a question open for debate; no one’s out there arguing Tiger should really just feel free to set up a harem. The subtext of this whole frenzy is our world’s blaring cry that marriage matters, fidelity to your wife matters; wedding vows are profound and breaking them is dead wrong. Period.

How do people know this? Because God built us to respect his design for marriage: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt 19:6). He’s wired people to know that the marriage covenant is sacred. If you’re married, you and your beloved both said “I do.” But it wasn’t the two of you who formed the union, nor was it the minister who officiated. “What GOD has joined together…” At a deep level, people know this.

So on this gray day of dismay and disillusionment in which a “hero” has fallen (more accurately: when we’ve found out a hero had fallen), don’t miss the cloud’s silver lining: God’s image within us shines through!

Allow me to caution followers of Christ about how to respond to this debacle. 1) Don’t hate Tiger for his perverse hypocrisy—hate isn’t Jesus’ way (Matt 5:43-44). 2) Don’t congratulate yourself because you’ve done better (read Matt 5:27-30 and Luke 18:9-14). 3) Don’t say “Boys will be boys” and shrug it all off (but then again, above we’ve noted that we just can’t bring ourselves to do this). 4) Don’t say you can’t believe he was so stupid (Satan is very devious and he deftly lures otherwise intelligent people into sin and its misery; resisting sin isn’t just about brains).

Instead: 1) PRAY for Tiger and his family—to meet Christ, find mercy, and get a life! 2) Realize your vulnerability (“There but for the grace of God go I”; and see 1 John 1:8; James 4:7-8). 3) Make sure you’ve got Christian support and consistent accountability to help you say no to Satan’s seductive lies. 4) "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes" (Eph 6:11).

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God's Work for His People

Isaiah 64:4 teaches us that God “works for those who wait for him.” The wrong way to understand this phrase is to envision God as our employee. We have accepted his application to come serve our cause and advance our purposes. He is our subordinate who scurries around and answers to us. We assess his performance and review his effec­tiveness in the role of worker: does he measure up, do we keep him on the payroll? We determine whether he deserves praise and reward for his on-the-job achievements.

The right way to interpret this expression is to realize that God is the one who has infinite power, skill and wisdom, and he is prepared to apply his efforts for our good. We lack the necessary strength and discernment to run our own lives (or others’ lives), or even to survive in the end. All we are capable of doing, in com­parison to the grand competence of God, is to “wait” for him—to give up our efforts, throw up our hands, recognize our weakness, and cast our lives upon his all-sufficient, gracious care.

So God works for us not as an employee we order around, but as our Great Physician: he examines our souls, diagnoses the terminal disease of pervasive sin, and prescribes treatment through the gift of cleansing of our sin stains (Isa 1:18) and justification by taking our guilt upon himself (2 Cor 5:21). In fact, the omniscient Doctor acts with such brilliant ingenuity that he orchestrates all of life’s circumstances for the good of his people (Rom 8:28—of course, he does this in his time and in his way).

Back to Isaiah 64:4. Who has ever heard of such a God—one “who works for those who wait for him”? It’s unprecedented. The gods of Isaiah’s peers and of many worshippers today (i.e., “gods” like wealth or beauty or power, or any other notions of deity that contradict Scripture) expect people to work for them; devotees are to serve and strive to get gain from their gods. But the true God demands that we NOT work, and instead wait for him: rest, trust, depend. Humble faith honors our all-sufficient Lord. We don’t approach him with gifts in hand to help his cause: we come with empty hands. “Waiting” is his gift to you this Christmas.

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