Basic yet Vital Truths about Love

I really appreciate Christopher Ash's summary of key truths about love, including how love factors into marriage according to God's design.  Ash provides a "big picture" view of how human love makes sense in light of the love of God.

On Christian Parenting

Helpful, balanced, God-honoring counsel for parents from Jason Helopoulos.  And always good to bear in mind that what God commands us to do, he will enable us, by the work of his Spirit and the teaching of his Word, to accomplish.  So we practice the obedience of faith.

Peace the Passes Understanding

I have so much appreciated the thoughtful, humble, hopeful, honest, God-ward reflections of Kara Tippetts, even as she stepped up to the brink of her departure from this world.  Praying for her husband, pastor Jason Tippets, and for their four children.  (See also this excerpt from her book.)

On Singleness

A good word that gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to following Jesus as a single person.

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Ronnie Smith Killed in Libya

On Dec. 5, 2013, American teacher Ronnie Smith was shot to death while jogging near his home in Benghazi, Libya.  Smith had been a Chemistry teacher at an international school in Benghazi for the last year and a half.  Prior to that he had served on the ministry staff at Austin Stone Community Church in Texas.

ASCC provides helpful guidance and resources for their congregation, and for the wider public, in the aftermath of this tragedy.  If you want to get a feel for Ronnie's passion for Christ and the gospel, watch his sermon, "The History of Redemption" (see video below), which is made up entirely of memorized Scripture.  He tells the story of the whole Bible, and he tells it well.

Ronnie's widow, Anita Smith, has spoken out in a CBS interview in a most thoughtful, gracious, kind, Christ-honoring way.  Especially noteworthy is her open letter to the Libyan people, along with her specific remarks to the killers of her husband.  See also her remarkable interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper.  Note also this collection of news reports.

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38-39, ESV).

Jesus said, "In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

Sermon - The History of Redemption from The Austin Stone on Vimeo.
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Internet Porn

Make time to read Russell Moore's recent post on internet pornography and what's really at stake.
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Being Mr. Right

I've often taught and preached that, more important than finding Mr. Right / Miss Right is BEING the right person.  That is, growing strong in Christ and deep in faith and mature in service to the Lord with his church and in his world.  Rather than pining away waiting, or fretfully hunting for that ideal soul, ask the Lord to help you become the person he wants you to be.

I appreciate Suzanne Gosselin's summary article on "10 Ways To Be Marriable" along these lines.
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The Bachelor Pastor

For a great message on God's good pathway of sexual purity, check out Steve DeWitt's last sermon as a bachelor pastor.  His story includes how that pathway can be a long road--Steve got married at the age of 44.
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Premarital Sex

Kevin DeYoung has drawn attention to Tim and Kathy Keller’s book, The Meaning of Marriage, posting an excerpt about why sex before marriage is both morally wrong and personally harmful (from pp. 225-27):

“The modern sexual revolution finds the idea of abstinence till marriage to be so unrealistic as to be ludicrous. In fact, many people believe it is psychologically unhealthy and harmful. Yet despite the contemporary incredulity, this has been the unquestioned uniform teaching of not only one but all of the Christian churches—Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant.

The Bible does not counsel sexual abstinence before marriage because it has such a low view of sex but because it has such a lofty one. The Biblical view implies that sex outside of marriage is not just morally wrong but also personally harmful. If sex is designed to be part of making a covenant and experiencing that covenant’s renewal, then we should think of sex as an emotional “commitment apparatus.”

If sex is a method that God invented to do “whole life entrustment” and self-giving, it should not surprise us that sex makes us feel deeply connected to the other person, even when used wrongly. Unless you deliberately disable it, or through practice you numb the original impulse, sex makes you feel personally interwoven and joined to another human being, as you are literally physically joined. In the midst of sexual passion, you naturally want to say extravagant things such as, ‘I’ll always love you.’

Even if you are not legally married, you may find yourself quickly feeling marriage-like ties, feeling that the other person has obligations to you. But that other person has no legal, social, or moral responsibility to even call you back in the morning. This incongruity leads to jealousy and hurt feelings and obsessiveness if two people are having sex but are not married. It makes breaking up vastly harder than it should be. It leads many people to stay trapped in relationships that are not good because of a feeling of having (somehow) connected themselves.

Therefore, if you have sex outside marriage, you will have to steel yourself against sex’s power to soften your heart toward another person and make you more trusting. The problem is that, eventually, sex will lose its covenant-making power for you, even if you one day do get married. Ironically, then, sex outside of marriage eventually works backwards, making you less able to commit and trust another person.”

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Lady Gaga, "Born This Way"

Lady Gaga has taken a bold stride into the “nature-nurture” debate with her new hit single, “Born This Way.” The song debuted at the Grammys last month where she was carried on stage in a giant egg and then hatched herself to make a statement: born this way.

The song’s agenda isn't subtle: “No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered … don't be a drag, just be a queen.” After all, “God makes no mistakes, I’m on the right track baby, I was born this way.” Elton John has declared that the song may be “the new gay anthem” (ew.com).

And yet, a few questions come to mind. First, what are the boundaries of the “born this way” rationale? If you go down the road that says, “This is just the way I am,” where else might it take you? What kinds of views or actions might Lady Gaga herself consider unacceptable even if her best friend insisted, “I was born this way”? “But Gaga, my dear, I was born with a natural, ‘God-given’ desire to swindle you out of millions! Surely you can support me in this—that’s what friends are for!”

Secondly, it seems she’s dodging a couple key issues. One is the interplay of nature and nurture in the complex story of our development. For Lady Gaga, it’s nature—end of discussion. But human civilization hasn’t been debating this delicate distinction since time immemorial for no reason. Is it likely that all the intricate theological, sociological and psychological reflections of centuries were suddenly resolved at the 2011 Grammys?

Another evaded point is this: even if from birth we’re prone to act or think or feel in certain ways, that doesn’t necessarily mean those ways are good for us or others. Frankly, mature adulthood (for the Christian or anyone else) involves restraining various natural impulses: cruel words held back for the sake of friendship; sloth denied in order to keep earning a living; saying no to impulse buying; and so on.

As for God’s guidance on the subject of sexual activity, here are a few key points (of course, I realize that these claims only carry weight for those who respect the authority of Scripture, so I don’t expect Lady Gaga or Elton John to be won over—apart from the heart-changing intervention of the Lord, toward which we should pray!):

• Romans 1:26-27 indicates that homo­sexual activity is contrary to God’s will. Other biblical texts could be noted as well, both Old and New Testament (e.g., 1 Corinthians 6:9). It’s not a topic on which the Bible is silent.
• “One flesh” intimacy is reserved for husband and wife in marriage (Mark 10:6-9). Outside of marriage, God’s good will for people is sexual abstinence. Embracing singleness in Christ is a beautiful expression of trust in his wisdom and love (1 Corinthians 7:7, 32-35).
• Gay neighbors are like all our other neighbors in this sense: they need Christ, and they need to see the love of Christ in our kind and truthful way of relating to them.
• Check out ChristopherYuan.com for the story of a changed heart and deliverance from the gay lifestyle.
• Dr. Robert Gagnon (Professor of New Testament at Pittsburgh Seminary) provides extensive, serious engagement with these issues from a biblical foundation (robgagnon.net).

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Identifying that Special Someone

In the last post, I talked about how important it is, when preparing for marriage, to BE the right one rather than just to find the right person. Here, then, is a follow-up question: what should you be looking for in a potential spouse? How do you know that he or she really is “the one”?

Look for someone, and definitely wait for someone, who shares your faith in Jesus Christ (1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14). Marriage is hard enough even when you both desire to follow the Lord and obey his Word. Not being on the same page spiritually leads to all kinds of confusion and trouble with: time allocation, spending, values, leisure, parenting…

Look for someone helpful—who’s learned (or is learning) to serve and support and bless others. When you see him with his family, does he help out around the house? Does she expect to be waited upon?

Marry a hard worker. A man who doesn’t provide for his family is out of line (1 Tim 5:8). A godly woman works with eager hands (Prov 31:13).

Look for someone with good friends. Having healthy friendships means a person knows how to give and take, listen and share, offer and receive correction, and be a steady support—good “practice” for marriage.

Marry someone whose character you respect. Attraction is not enough.

Look for humility—someone eager to learn and willing to apologize (Phil 2:3). Watch out for the refrain, “That’s just the way I am.”

Look for someone who has positive relationships with his/her parents.

Marry someone who’s a careful, patient thinker. For example, someone who can see the grain of truth in a viewpoint they reject, or who avoids sweeping generalizations that toss the baby out with the bath water.

Look for a maturing Christian who’s committed to a church body and is actively serving, learning, caring, and spreading Christ’s love.

Don’t marry someone you hope will change later: they won’t change. And marriage will only accentuate what bothered you before the wedding.

Marry a stable person, steady under pressure. Is he all roller coaster, highs and lows? Do you never know what mood she’ll be in? Then slow down—the stability for marriage isn’t there yet.

And by all means, be patient about this decision: better to be single and wish you were married than married and wish you were single.

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BEING the Right Person

In the life-stage of transitioning into adulthood, the relationships we long for are found not so much by looking but by being.

Do you want good friendships? Then make it your aim, first and fore­most, not to search out good friends but BE a good friend. Do you want to meet Mr. or Miss Right? Then make it your aim, first and foremost, not to seek out that special someone but to BE that special someone.

Let me focus on marriage in particular. The mindset of being the man or woman God wants you to be today is a stance of faith. It means trusting the Lord to work on you, help you grow in spiritual depth and personal maturity, and lead you into greater holiness.

You say “holiness” isn’t on your marriage preparation checklist? That’s all the more reason you need to focus on being the right person more than finding your special someone. Ephesians 5:21-33 reveals a breath­taking design for Christian marriage in which husbands and wives die to themselves and live to love one another, and that requires spiritual depth and maturity. It’s a beautiful vision of married life, but that beauty never flowers and its joy is never known by immature, self-seeking spouses.

Being “the right one” is a goal that doesn’t impose a timetable on God. But the “gotta find someone” attitude is time-driven: it doesn’t consider that now may not be best and God may want you to wait. Maybe the Lord has a lot of refining to do in Mr./Miss Right’s life before it’s time for you two to meet—meeting today might be a disaster. Similarly, are you willing to look in the mirror and admit that that God has a lot of work to do?

Just to clarify, I’m not saying you should be utterly passive and never open your eyes to the people around you. My point is simply this: see today as God’s gift in which he aims to refine you and humble you and shape your soul in Christ-loving and Christ-like ways. Don’t assume you’re ready for marriage and it’s God’s job now to bring that special someone along. Assume, instead, that all delays are orchestrated by the Lord for good purposes (Gen 50:20; Rom 8:28), and that at the center of those purposes is sanctification—your growth in godliness. Your marriage will be SO much stronger and more joyful and satisfying if you trust God with time.

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Sports Illustrated Sorrow

February is a sad season in the sporting world as it is the time for the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

Of course, many would find this description jarring: sad? Who's sad? I'm sure millions of Americans greet the arrival of this publication with glee. A couple Februarys ago I remember a sketch on Letterman in which he chased the magazine delivery truck down the road, giddy to get his hands on the swimsuit issue ASAP.

But I say "sad" because this is the time when it's most vividly clear and "in your face" before the world that profit-driven people exploit sexual longings to increase their revenue. More than that, this is the moment when it's most obvious that sexually charged photos are finding a home in (what has been considered) mainstream media and not just in the shadowy world of adult book stores.

A news feature the other day showed a jet airliner with a huge image of a swimsuit model's body painted on the plane. It's pretty obvious there are a lot of people deeply invested in SI and CNN and various sports franchises and ad campaigns (etc.) who're working feverishly to get us all to accept the idea that gazing at near-nude swimsuit girls should be considered just one more form of innocent visual entertainment--just a little eye candy, nothing more...

Of course, among those profit-driven souls are the models who take their clothes off for SI. This is the saddest part of all: young women taught to separate themselves from their bodies, and to sell the sight of their flesh for visual consumption. I'm sure the pressure on these young women is tremendous--to be chosen for the SI swimsuit cover must be a mark of spectacular success in one's modeling career, a doorway to lucrative opportunities to be stared at yet more in the future. And I suspect many beautiful young women would find a certain comfort and ego boost in being the focus of hungry eyes--to be wanted, to be special (would they add, "to be loved"?).

TV morning show hosts this week were snickering about the infamous magazine in their "news" reports. The release of the swimsuit issue was given top story status alongside the latest on Australia's wild fires and President Obama's economic bailout plans. What's wrong with this picture?

Well, that's the world we live in. It makes me sad.

Some may think I'm "prudish" or that I don't want red-blooded men to have a little fun. The truth is, I want them to have the fullest, enduring satisfaction God has to give, a joy far deeper than the thrill of gawking at swimsuit beauties. I speak not only of the God-intended delights of sexual fulfillment within marriage, but ultimately of eternal joy in the company of the all-glorious, all-satisfying Christ.

The sad side of February reminds me that, as C. S. Lewis put it in "The Weight of Glory," we are far too easily pleased: "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea."

May the Lord, in his powerful grace, grant that many--millions--would look past the eye candy this February and instead find true joy in the worship of Christ!

"One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple."

(Psalm 27:4, ESV)

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