Identifying that Special Someone

In the last post, I talked about how important it is, when preparing for marriage, to BE the right one rather than just to find the right person. Here, then, is a follow-up question: what should you be looking for in a potential spouse? How do you know that he or she really is “the one”?

Look for someone, and definitely wait for someone, who shares your faith in Jesus Christ (1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14). Marriage is hard enough even when you both desire to follow the Lord and obey his Word. Not being on the same page spiritually leads to all kinds of confusion and trouble with: time allocation, spending, values, leisure, parenting…

Look for someone helpful—who’s learned (or is learning) to serve and support and bless others. When you see him with his family, does he help out around the house? Does she expect to be waited upon?

Marry a hard worker. A man who doesn’t provide for his family is out of line (1 Tim 5:8). A godly woman works with eager hands (Prov 31:13).

Look for someone with good friends. Having healthy friendships means a person knows how to give and take, listen and share, offer and receive correction, and be a steady support—good “practice” for marriage.

Marry someone whose character you respect. Attraction is not enough.

Look for humility—someone eager to learn and willing to apologize (Phil 2:3). Watch out for the refrain, “That’s just the way I am.”

Look for someone who has positive relationships with his/her parents.

Marry someone who’s a careful, patient thinker. For example, someone who can see the grain of truth in a viewpoint they reject, or who avoids sweeping generalizations that toss the baby out with the bath water.

Look for a maturing Christian who’s committed to a church body and is actively serving, learning, caring, and spreading Christ’s love.

Don’t marry someone you hope will change later: they won’t change. And marriage will only accentuate what bothered you before the wedding.

Marry a stable person, steady under pressure. Is he all roller coaster, highs and lows? Do you never know what mood she’ll be in? Then slow down—the stability for marriage isn’t there yet.

And by all means, be patient about this decision: better to be single and wish you were married than married and wish you were single.

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